Frank Vincent Zappa (December 21, 1940 – December 4, 1993) was an American composer, singer-songwriter, guitarist, recording engineer, music producer and film director. In a career spanning more than 30 years, Zappa composed rock, jazz, orchestral and musique concrète works. He also directed feature-length films and music videos, and designed album covers. Zappa produced almost all of the more than 60 albums he released with the band The Mothers of Invention and as a solo artist. While in his teens, he acquired a taste for 20th-century classical composers such as Edgard Varèse, Igor Stravinsky, and Anton Webern along with 1950s rhythm and blues music. He began writing classical music in high school, while at the same time playing drums in rhythm and blues bands; he later switched to electric guitar.
1. A MIND IS LIKE A PARACHUTE. IT DOESN’T WORK IF IT IS NOT OPEN.
2. SO MANY BOOKS, SO LITTLE TIME.
3. WITHOUT DEVIATION FROM THE NORM, PROGRESS IS NOT POSSIBLE.
4. IF YOU END UP WITH A BORING MISERABLE LIFE BECAUSE YOU LISTENED TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAD, YOUR TEACHER, YOUR PRIEST, OR SOME GUY ON TELEVISION TELLING YOU HOW TO DO YOUR SHIT, THEN YOU DESERVE IT.
5. IF YOU WANT TO GET LAID, GO TO COLLEGE. IF YOU WANT AN EDUCATION, GO TO THE LIBRARY.
6. JAZZ ISN’T DEAD. IT JUST SMELLS FUNNY.
7. DEFINITION OF ROCK JOURNALISM: PEOPLE WHO CAN’T WRITE, DOING INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO CAN’T THINK, IN ORDER TO PREPARE ARTICLES FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN’T READ.
8. WITHOUT MUSIC TO DECORATE IT, TIME IS JUST A BUNCH OF BORING PRODUCTION DEADLINES OR DATES BY WHICH BILLS MUST BE PAID.
9. I NEVER SET OUT TO BE WEIRD. IT WAS ALWAYS OTHER PEOPLE WHO CALLED ME WEIRD.
10. THERE IS MORE STUPIDITY THAN HYDROGEN IN THE UNIVERSE, AND IT HAS A LONGER SHELF LIFE.
11. A DRUG IS NOT BAD. A DRUG IS A CHEMICAL COMPOUND. THE PROBLEM COMES IN WHEN PEOPLE WHO TAKE DRUGS TREAT THEM LIKE A LICENSE TO BEHAVE LIKE AN ASSHOLE.
12. IT’S BETTER TO HAVE SOMETHING TO REMEMBER THAN ANYTHING TO REGRET.
13. DROP OUT OF SCHOOL BEFORE YOUR MIND ROTS FROM EXPOSURE TO OUR MEDIOCRE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM. FORGET ABOUT THE SENIOR PROM AND GO TO THE LIBRARY AND EDUCATE YOURSELF IF YOU’VE GOT ANY GUTS. SOME OF YOU LIKE PEP RALLIES AND PLASTIC ROBOTS WHO TELL YOU WHAT TO READ.
14. MUSIC IS THE ONLY RELIGION THAT DELIVERS THE GOODS.
15. THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KNEELING DOWN AND BENDING OVER.
16. ART IS MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING, AND SELLING IT.
17. COMMUNISM DOESN’T WORK BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE TO OWN STUFF.
18. TAKE THE KAMA SUTRA. HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED FROM THE KAMA SUTRA AS OPPOSED TO THE BIBLE? WHO WINS?
19. THE UNITED STATES IS A NATION OF LAWS, BADLY WRITTEN AND RANDOMLY ENFORCED.
20. MY BEST ADVICE TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO RAISE A HAPPY, MENTALLY HEALTHY CHILD IS: KEEP HIM OR HER AS FAR AWAY FROM A CHURCH AS YOU CAN.
21. ALL THE GOOD MUSIC HAS ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WITH WIGS AND STUFF.
22. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DIRTY WORD. NOR IS THERE A WORD SO POWERFUL, THAT IT’S GOING TO SEND THE LISTENER TO THE LAKE OF FIRE UPON HEARING IT.
23. YOU CAN’T BE A REAL COUNTRY UNLESS YOU HAVE A BEER AND AN AIRLINE – IT HELPS IF YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF FOOTBALL TEAM, OR SOME NUCLEAR WEAPONS, BUT IN THE VERY LEAST YOU NEED A BEER.
24. SOME SCIENTISTS CLAIM THAT HYDROGEN, BECAUSE IT IS SO PLENTIFUL, IS THE BASIC BUILDING BLOCK OF THE UNIVERSE. I DISPUTE THAT. I SAY THERE IS MORE STUPIDITY THAN HYDROGEN, AND THAT IS THE BASIC BUILDING BLOCK OF THE UNIVERSE.
25. GOVERNMENT IS THE ENTERTAINMENT DIVISION OF THE MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.
26. I WROTE A SONG ABOUT DENTAL FLOSS BUT DID ANYONE’S TEETH GET CLEANER?
27. IF YOUR CHILDREN EVER FIND OUT HOW LAME YOU REALLY ARE, THEY’LL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.